Writing for an ethnic hair product blog:

I have always loved the way braids look. So regal and decorative, yet natural and free-flowing. There is something mesmerising about a girl who can carry braids with poise and grace, yet bold and daring in her sensuality and feminism too. I’ve always wanted to be that girl. I’ve always wanted to be her.

Yet I know now, I’ve already been that girl my whole life. I just didn’t know it.

Although sadly, no matter how much I admired the girls who wore braids, I was never brave enough to do them myself. Until now.

So what changed?

Quite simply... My perception of myself and where I fit into this world.

The thing with being mixed/coloured is you become a master of embracing certain 'sides' of yourself depending on who you are around. You know exactly how to turn it on to fit in. You know what to say, what to share, what music to play, how to dress, how to act, how to react, what to eat, what to drink, and how to speak depending on the company you keep in that moment. You know exactly what to do. You watched your parents do the same dress rehearsal a million times over. You watched them continuously mould and remould who they were. And you learnt from them. You learnt how to become a cultural chameleon. And whilst this is a truly special gift, and ability, it does indeed leave you with one very fundamental flaw. The inability to ever truly know yourself. The issue with this unique skill set is you begin to realise you never prioritise who YOU are. For women in particular, one of the biggest internal struggles I have seen (and felt) is how to wear your hair. For women, hair is the birth place of who we are. So if you aren’t prioritising who you are through your hair, I wouldn’t be shocked to find out you weren’t prioritising who you are in other areas of your life too.

So let’s break it down.

Do you ever feel like if you try a certain hairstyle you are inevitably forced into identifying with a certain ‘side’ of you more? For instance, if I wear my hair straight I find in conversation, the people around me tend to use more European-like connotations, examples and contexts. Whereas the minute I leave my hair natural or in braids (as I have now experienced), the conversation or tone of conversation immediately takes a more ethnic, African turn. It is an observation of the reactions around me (or towards me) rather than how I actually feel. I’m sure I am not the only one who can sometimes feel myself asking, “who do I want to be today?” when I decide how to wear my hair. It’s like wearing your hair in a pony-tail for a cute, innocent look... or wearing your hair down and parted to the side for a more daring, seductive look. It’s exactly like that – except on a much, much bigger scale. The scale I mean is, you actually get to step into what it feels like to be a different race – purely on how people react to your hair. Shocking, I know.

And so here begs the question, what do I do about this?

I have never been a ‘save the world’ type of person. People are going to think what they think, and react how they react. The only person I can control is myself and how I handle my own reactions and feelings. I have no intention of going on a campaign to tell the world to treat me the same no matter how I wear my hair. In my eyes, it just won’t happen. People will act how they want to act. They’ve been doing so since they were born, so why will they change because you just happen to be standing in front of them now?

That being said, I have noticed a part of me even likes it when people react. I start thinking to myself, Yes – there is more to me than you think. Don’t judge me from what you think you know. I can be whoever I want to be. And so on and so on.

But then came the really profound part.

It suddenly dawned on me that maybe I don’t have to be the girl that identifies with a certain ‘side’. Maybe I can be the girl who people expect to switch it up. In other words, I should simply incorporate the ‘switch up’ as part of who I actually am. Why do I have to choose? I can be both. I can be all.  After all, isn’t that who I actually am??

I am all, and I am everything.

This may seem painfully obvious to most, but I know there will be a handful of people who know that this is a big break through.

So, what I have decided is this.

You know that girl in your office or class who always dyes her hair a different colour? And it’s happened so many times you almost identify her as the girl who loves to experiment with hair colour? That’s the movement I have decided to embrace and become. The girl that loves to switch it up and try new things. I do it to almost give myself the courage to keep going. Keep trying new styles, new colours, new everything! It’s a coping mechanism. It’s a way of telling the world, stop trying to stereotype me please - you don’t know what I could turn up with next.

Biggest Lesson: don’t box yourself in (either), just let it flow.